I realize most of my readers are family members who probably know the general happenings of my life, so I won't go into details. I'm not really a fan of posting the specifics anyway. But if you'd like to know, I'd be more than happy to share :)
So.... hm. How does one explain the inner groanings of a heart? That feeling of knowing that there is a greater potential for oneself that has been yet to be reached? It is a longing for deeper love and companionship. It is a longing to be fully known- good and bad. It is a longing not conjured by oneself, but immediately upon waking, it too rises for the day. It is different in every person, yet completely the same.
My groaning has been met by the working of the Holy Spirit within me - speaking to the Father on behalf of my needs and desires. It has been met, but it also has grown to recognize the groanings, the longings, of others' hearts. Perhaps they don't even know that it exists in them, but He has allowed me to sense the cracked and aching hearts of other people. And my own heart groans all the more because they do not sense their own need. The pain of their chipped-away self-esteem from being rejected by parents or lovers extends to my own heart, which writhes with the pain of the dejection they must feel. And I groan, inwardly. God, can't they see? Can't they see that only you can understand the groaning and meet their needs? Why do they stay in the cycle of pain?
Tonight, my heart groans for those who long to have purpose. Who labor daily to attain, what? Money? Status? Glory for themselves? It's vanity and my heart groans because it must feel so hollow at the end of the day - at the end of a lifetime. Laboring for the glory of the Lord. That is purpose. The purpose.