Monday, January 26, 2009

This was not on my list of "To Do's"

Of course, a good blog post is never planned out too far in advance, I find. It's just when that certain moment of clarity or inspiration hits that one just has to share. I'm really excited about this semester, I have decided. My classes seem to be decently interesting and not too difficult and it looks like I will have a good deal of time to spend with some of the women in my life who have become very dear to me. I am part of a Bible study of 11 women - 2 being our leaders. Tonight we decided that our goal for the semester is to draw closer to one another as we strive to grow closer to God. We want to take risks and show love to one another. My personal desire is to feel that by the end of the semester, it will have to be by physical force that I shall be separated from these women because my love for them will have grown so strong. More than my love for them will be my love for God and how he has used them to change and shape my heart over those couple of months. There is a lot of work to be done in my heart still.
Now, for some reason, I just feel that a post isn't complete if I don't have a picture to go along with it. So, I will share this picture of some lovely ladies - some of whom are in my Bible study. Goofy and beautiful.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Cast thy Burdens

"Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." - Psalm 55:22

O burden within me, please be cast off onto my Lord
I cannot bear the weight that you bring
My soul sags when it wants to soar
Let me forgive where I need to forgive
Bring me love where I have stopped feeling
Humble me so that I may not hold myself over anyone else
Like a shadow my burdens block the Light from shining fully
I need thee, Lord, I need thee

Monday, January 19, 2009

Midnight Musings

Dear friend,
I am feeling physically tired at the moment, but also inspired to write and muse. Perhaps this is not the wisest or most responsible decision to be making right now. This I will learn, I am sure. My friend, where are you when I want you to be right here with me in my greatest state of vulnerability? What dreams are you dreaming tonight? Perhaps you have caught glimpses of me. My God is the only one that I can always count on. Oh why do I doubt him? Lord, I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief. Surely, my friend, you do not know me as well as my Creator. Thank you for recognizing that. Thank you for bringing Him glory in your life.
With a tired body and a soul thirsting for the One who truly satisfies,
Good night

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


So, it may seem to anyone who is reading my blog that my posts are mildly random, but in my head my method makes sense. Before I started sharing about specifics in my life, I wanted to lay some of the foundationals, like the major characters. This blog is sort of my own little story, I suppose. Anyway...
I really enjoy God's breathtaking creation and I try in many ways to capture an essence of it, mainly through photography. I have quite a few pictures that I would love to share, but I will choose just a select few. I love sifting through these images because I just praise God all over again for the beauty that he has created and it just brings a simple joy to my heart.

In these pictures:
1) God said good night with a richly painted sky one evening as I visited the Caribbean.
2) The angles of the flowers catch the sunlight in the most delightful manner, and I also love the delicacy of both the fly and the daisies.
3) Multnomah Falls, Washington. God is brilliant.
4) Clearly God is raining down his love through sunshine on the city. :) He is God of the city!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Love is a Many Splendored Thing

There is no possible way that I could go into as much detail in this blog as I'd desire to in order to properly describe my precious friendships, but I need to at least mention a little bit about them. And this particular post is also geared toward the women who have been especially significant in my life this year. The list of my beloved friends does go longer, but there has to be a cutoff somewhere!
This past summer I spent 8 weeks in Milwaukee on a summer project through Campus Crusade for Christ. When I was there, this gorgeous woman on the right was appointed my discipler. Andrea Urban is one of the most, if not the most, amazing women that I have ever met. She has lit up my life with laughter and has made me feel incredibly special with her love. She loves working in the inner city and she serves with incredible humility. Andrea speaks truth like no one else I know. She's also a delightfully playful child at heart. I know that I can always count on her.

This is Ms. Kara Atkinson. I also met her in Milwaukee while on project. She has been an intern with Here's Life Inner City - Milwaukee for the past year and a half. What I love about Kara is that she never takes herself too seriously. While we have a great deal of fun joking around, I've also been able to experience the depth of Kara's heart. She, too, has a heart for the poor and she serves faithfully. Kara can be amazingly and bluntly honest, and I love that about her.

God works in spectacular ways. The summer before I went on project to Milwaukee, my dear friend Cath Skroch was there on project and Andrea was her discipler! At that point, Cath was not a dear friend - she was barely an acquaintance. But by the amazing work of God's hand, he brought our lives together in a powerful way. Because of our individual bonds with Andrea, we were immediately able to fall into a close relationship this year and Cath began to disciple me! She is the most gentle and gracious creature that I have ever experienced. And I think that God has given her red hair to match the passion for life that burns within her.

I absolutely adore my roomie, BJ Molzahn. How could someone not love that face? BJ is hardly ever without a smile, which just shows the heart of joy that resides within her. It doesn't matter if we are keeling with laughter or listening to each others woes or somewhere in between, I take delight in each moment that I get to spend with this beloved daughter of God. Besides her smile, the first things that come to mind when I think of BJ are skinny jeans, her scarf, music, foreign accents, and a passion for living each day and stretching to attain all that God has for her. I look up to this woman tremendously.

Oh my - how beautiful and sweet it has been to grow deeper in my relationship with the lovely Annie Deutsch. I see a lot of myself in Annie - quiet, reserved, hesitant about which way to turn next, longing for more depth in life. I see Annie as a flower who is blooming before my very eyes! She serves other people with love and humility. I am amazed and awed by her athletic abilities :) There is nothing inauthentic about Annie and I'm always learning more from her and about her. What a blessing!

Friday, January 9, 2009

A snapshot of my heart

Do you ever think about what people might say at your funeral?
I asked this question among a group of friends the other day as we sat intimately in a fort that we had created with childlike giddy. It can be awkward to tell people what you really think about them to their face... but really, how sad would it be if you just assumed that they knew what you thought about them, but they were unsure and you lost that opportunity?
I think this has been my greatest undertaking recently. I'm not in any way perfect at it. In fact, I fail quite often, but my heart begs for me to try.

To the right is a picture of my beautiful, amazing and only sister Bethany (and nephew Cayden). Just after Christmas I had been the opportunity to sit down with her and have an open, loving conversation the likes of which we've never shared before. This is something that I have been hoping and praying for over the past couple weeks. And perhaps you're even reading this now, Bethany, and so I want to thank you deeply for being my sister and my friend. I want us to be friends forever. I want you to know that I love you and cherish you for the person you are. I think you're really cool and I look up to you so much!! And it's weird to tell you that in person, but I hope that with practice it will come more easily. For the unknowing reader, Beth and I are six years apart, and I can mostly describe our relationship growing up as a "love/hate" relationship. But I'm all about the love now :)

I am thankful that I have begun to see all that could be in a relationship with another person, but I do regret what time I may have wasted with my mom and sister especially growing up. I feel that with the friends I have now it is so easy to be open and loving with them, but there is this chasm of "the past" that holds me back from being completely vulnerable to my family. I feel that it might be inevitable to let myself be hurt in order to heal what may be festering within them. Sarcasm rips me down and it makes me not want to reveal my whole heart, but I feel that if I am expecting a full, unabashed love from them, I need to be the one to first step out into vulnerability and envelop them with the Love that completely covers me.

Oh, sweet Love of the Father. How tangible you are in my life. I'm so thankful that I am no longer my own, but fully God's. And this is not some rant of a girl just to draw attention to herself. That is the complete opposite of my intention. I am nothing compared to God and if anything can be taken away from these words that I write it is that God deserves all glory and recognition. I am astonished at the intricacy with which he has knit Creation and I love that I get to experience my fellow humanity with a deeply intimate love.